Archive for the ‘chicago’ tag

Hot Weather Crazy

Hot weather causes residents of the Midwest to become raving lunatics.

Midwesterners are simply unable to adequately prepare themselves for the summer.  Last winter in Chicago, for example, was extremely long; snow fell during five successive months.  Spring is virtually nonexistent, so a Midwesterner experiences septic shock when the temperature rises above 80 degrees. 

For many, foolish behavior functions as a means to cope with the jarring change in climate.  With summer officially underway, I am reminded of a few instances where I have witnessed the dramatic effect that the sun can have on residents of the Midwest.

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Farewell, Rex Grossman. Best wishes.

The Rex Grossman era in Chicago is officially over.

Many felt that the era had ended in April, when the Bears traded for Pro Bowl quarterback Jay Cutler.  I was not convinced.  There was no question that Cutler would take on the starting role.  Coach Lovie Smith even indicated that Grossman didn’t factor into the team’s 2009 plans.  Yet I believed that there was a slim possibility that the Bears might sign Grossman as a backup.  After all, the team had showed unshaking confidence in Grossman since he was drafted in 2003.

Friday, the Houston Texans announced that they had signed Grossman to a one-year deal.  Three quarterbacks are already on the team’s roster and Grossman will compete for the third-string job.

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Diagnois: Hispanophobia

“I don’t see many white people around here.”

The remark didn’t carry a tinge of spite or racism; it was simply an honest observation.

As I waited for my cheeseburger in a fast food restaurant, I struck up a conversation with a Mexican girl who appeared to be in her early 20s. I was in Chicago’s Little Village neighborhood – a short walk away from boqueen’s palace.

Little Village is a predominately Mexican neighborhood. Census records indicate that 83% of residents are Hispanic and nearly 13% are black. White people are an anomaly, comprising less than four percent of population of the borough.

I laughed at the girl’s comment, acknowledging my unusual status as a minority. I explained that I was spending the weekend at my girlfriend’s apartment. As she awkwardly chuckled in response, it became clear that she was slightly disappointed. Apparently, the girl was attempting to flirt with me – and I can’t blame her.

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Introducing Angry Letters: The road paved with failure

I can be an angry fellow from time to time.

Normally, this blog is an adequate medium for expressing my frustrations.  However, there are times when I feel that this site does not fully reach its intended audience.  In certain circumstances, a more direct approach is appropriate. 

I am happy to introduce the latest series of posts, entitled “Angry Letters.”  In addition to appearing on this site, each letter will be sent to one or more individuals.  In the highly unlikely event that a letter elicits a response, I will post the response here as well.

The first letter concerns the atrocious road conditions in the Chicago area.  This letter was sent to Illinois’ Secretary of Transportation, Gary Hannig.  Copies were also mailed to several other officials at the Illinois Department of Transportation, including the Directors of the Offices of Operations and Communications, the Division of Highways and the Division of Traffic Safety.

I am eagerly anticipating their responses.

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Endanger your child’s life to stop global warming

Springtime in Chicago is marked by the inevitable return of thousands of cyclists to the streets of the city.

Chicago is regarded as one of the more bicycle-friendly cities in the United States.  Thousands of residents take advantage of this, eschewing their car or bus pass in favor of a bicycle in the warmer months.

The relationship between cyclists and drivers is quite contentious.  Cyclists clash with aggressive drivers who find bicycles to be a nuisance and refuse to share the road.  Likewise, drivers become frustrated with daring cyclists who weave through traffic with blatant disregard for the rules of the road. 

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I have far more important things to do than wait in line while you buy lottery tickets.

If patience is a virtue, then I am a man of questionable morals. 

I am exceptionally indignant when my patience is tested by the actions of others.  I am an Extremely Busy Man with Very Important Things to do. 

I grow increasingly impatient while waiting in line in convenience stores and gas stations.  Citizens of Illinois cannot purchase lottery tickets without the aid of a cashier.  As a result, I often find myself waiting in line behind an individual eagerly purchasing lottery tickets.  Their transaction can last anywhere from a few minutes to several decades. 

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Retraction: Actually, I am glad that the Bulls made the playoffs.

I am seldom wrong about anything; when I am, it is notable.

Five weeks ago, I wrote that I had hoped the Chicago Bulls would miss the playoffs.  I felt that a postseason appearance would give Bulls brass the false impression that the team was headed in the right direction, and that a potential playoff beat down would not be a valuable experience for the young team.

I was wrong, and I would like to retract my post from March 28.

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Chicago’s Olympic bid is a bad idea

I hope that Chicago is not selected to host the 2016 Olympic Games.

Recent polls suggest that the majority of Chicagoans are in favor of the city hosting the games.  Most opposition to the games has to do with the use of taxpayer money to fund the event.

While I am not comfortable with the use of my money to fund the International spectacle, this is not my principal reason for objecting to the summer games coming to Chicago in 2016.  I feel that the city is ill equipped to handle the games, potentially risking international embarrassment.  Furthermore, I feel that the ambitious construction plans that will be undertake will have a devastating long-term effect on city residents.

:: God knows the United States doesn’t need any more international embarrassments.

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Top ten reasons why I hate the Cubs, part II

Click here to view the view the first part of this list. 

5. Wrigley Field
To Cubs fans, the Temple of Fail at Addison and Clark is a holy shrine.  To me, it is a piss-soaked relic of a bygone era that should be razed immediately.

I first attended a Cubs game when I was about eight years old.  Ironically, most distinct memories I have of that day are not about the game itself, but about the bathrooms.  The men’s bathrooms at Wrigley do not feature urinals like a normal, modern facility.  Instead, male Cubs fans must relieve themselves in a communal trough. 

As I used the bathroom, the urine of the man next to me splashed on the steel trough onto me.  I found this to be utterly disgusting, since I do not share any sexual fetishes with R. Kelly. 

I have too much self respect to use a trough for any purpose, as I am not livestock.

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Top ten reasons why I hate the Cubs, part I

Hate is such a strong word.

Many sports fans take very little discretion when using the word, to the point that the adjective has become trite.  I love the Chicago Bulls, but I did not hate the “Bad Boys” Pistons teams of the late 80s and early 90s.  As a Bears fan, I do not hate the Green Bay Packers many Chicagoans do; I simply dislike the cheeseheads.  I do not hate the New York Yankees; I am merely indifferent toward the team.

When I use the word “hate” to describe how I feel about a team or a player, it is not hyperbole.  And I truly hate the Chicago Cubs.

I am in the minority of Chicagoans; most claim to bleed “Cubbie Blue.”  When I am asked why I hate the Cubs, I find it difficult to come up with a succinct response.  There are so many reasons that it is difficult to provide a quick summary. 

I have boiled down my reasons into a concise list of the top ten.  By no means is this list comprehensive, but it will help you understand my distaste for the North Siders. 

Without further ado, I am proud to present part one my list of the top ten reasons why I hate the Chicago Cubs.

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